A Better Reception Phone

I was waiting to see my therapist the other day and casually observing the receptionist when I was hit by an idea that would help streamline the act of taking phone messages. In my office at work we rarely use the telephone and so we have two communal phones. Whoever is available answers calls and most of the time we need to leave notes for each other. My new invention will help to streamline this process.

I propose to attach or integrate a small receipt-style printer (like this) into a desk phone. At the touch of a button it will print a standard "someone called" docket (like this) with the time, date and in-coming phone number pre-printed. The user then writes in the message and can either leave it at the phone or tear it off.

For more sophisticated offices, instead of an integrated printer the phone could simply interface to a PC via USB. Pressing a button on the phone would create a new email message with a standard phone message template with the time, date and in-coming phone number already entered. The call-taker would then type in any further details and send it to the relevant person.

Either of these options would far improve the efficiency of this process and would cost little more than most fully functional office phones.

An Improved Emotion Vocabulary

One consequence of conducting counselling, attending therapy and being depressed is I think a lot about feelings. I also tend to be quite analytical so I've been musing on the words that we use to describe how we feel, and how imprecise it can be. Here are some of my thoughts on some commonly used words:

Feeling. This is a word that can mean almost anything, for example: "I feel sad", "I feel like screaming", "I feel that's a bad idea", "I feel empty", "I feel hungry". These five examples are an emotion, a desire, a thought, a metaphor and a physiological symptom.

Frustrated. This is usually used to describe an emotion that is related to anger or annoyance. I think this isn't a helpful definition as I prefer to think of the word "frustrating" describing the situation that I'm in, rather than my emotional response. Like the difference between "alone" and "lonely". Any situation where your desire is obstructed is a frustrating one, but your emotional response could be anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.

Good / Bad / Fine. These are words that barely describe emotions. They are pretty much just code for "comfortable" or "uncomfortable".

Upset. This is a vague description of discomfort. It could mean sad, angry, afraid, etc.

Confused. How you feel when you don't know how you feel.

One concept that is useful when describing emotions is the concept of primary emotions. This is similar to the idea of a primary colour, that is, emotions that are fundamental and that more complex emotions are mixtures of. There are several different lists of primary emotions, but most include something like anger, sadness, fear, happiness, surprise and disgust. Most emotional states can be thought of as mixtures of different amounts of these emotions. For example, hatred is a mix of anger and disgust.

Using emotion words rather than words like "good" help us to better identify how we are feeling. When it is difficult to tell how you are feeling ("upset" or "confused"), try and work out which of the six primary emotions is closest. This will help to improve your emotional vocabulary.

To be happily unhappy

Welcome to this blog. I was first diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in October 2007, shortly after getting married. In hind-sight I have been living with depression for a lot longer than that. I attempted suicide at 16, and that was simply the culmination of a long period of desperation.

As part of my recovery I have been reading a lot about depression and other people's experiences of it. There are a lot of people writing about how they have been able to rise above their depression, and about their desire to get better. Unfortunately this hasn't been my experience. Much of my struggle with depression is wrestling with the desire to make myself worse. I don't want to get better, I don't want to improve.

Saying these words tends to put people off-side, with many not wanting to help if you don't want to help yourself. The paradox of depression is that the illness itself prevents us from wanting to improve. Once you want to get better, the rest is fairly easy. A prescription for anti-depressants, a lot of counselling and your life should get better quite quickly. The problem is that many of us don't want to do this. Many of us would rather be sad, hurting and in pain. That's why I'm writing this blog.

I am depressed, but high functioning. I have a job, a wife and a few friends. I am usually able to make myself go to work and social events. I generally maintain a reasonable level of hygiene and I'm able to refrain from self destructive behaviour.

None of this means that I am happy.

For me, the biggest irony of depression is that through counselling and a lot of introspection I have dragged myself up to a high level of functioning. I am not in imminent danger of killing myself. But this has done nothing to make me any happier. Even medication seems to just help me get through the day, not bring joy into my life.

This blog is a place for me to share my ideas, but also to give voice to anyone who is depressed and doesn't want to be happy.